Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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