Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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