i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize