3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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