I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
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Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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