I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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