He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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