dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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