the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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