I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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