that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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