If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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