They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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