i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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