I intend to get homeless drunk
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
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WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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