I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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