If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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