Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize