shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
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If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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