So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
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So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
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Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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