the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
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