I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
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She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
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You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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