I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
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How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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