She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
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Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
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Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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