can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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