Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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