Dual....:-)
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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