you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
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You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You pole danced in your parka.
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I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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