I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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