Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize