Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
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As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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