I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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