I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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