i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize