i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
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You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
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No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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