I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
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That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
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I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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