i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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