Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
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Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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