Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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