i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
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My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
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Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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