You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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