grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
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He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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