I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
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i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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