I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize