I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
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I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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