Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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