My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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