i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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