saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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