Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bag of teeth...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize